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	31 May 2005 PHOTO DIARY. Did you know? At Hooters, appetizers are known as "Hooterstizers."   Back to main 30 May 2005 MOVIE: STAR WARS EPISODE III: THE REVENGE OF THE SITH (2005). A corrupt chancellor betrays the Jedi in a bloody coup, transforming the Republic into a galactic Empire. Scramble the letters in the word Sith, and you get: Shit. I feel like I'm repeating myself...moronic dialogue, hopeless scenes that end with an arbitrary star wipe, simplistic conflicts. Lucas's idea of comedy boils down to two CG mascots engaging in slapstick; his concept of setting revolves around flying his precious ships across cities based on a randomly pilfered collage of ethnic mores, all with the devoof a child driving his collection of Matchbox cars through Mom's flowerbed. Seriously. How many totally rad ships can we see? Do viewers never tire of the endless menagerie of squeaking critters? Or of doors that hiss impressively open? The Lucas-ian universe, with its crude, mechanistic hybrid of medieval European pomp, Samurai philosophy, and Nazi militarism, has become merely a source of distraction than anything else. Lucas had great opportunities here with his epic space melodrama: a Hamlet-like protagonist, caught between good and evil; the student leaving his mentor; the destruction of entire peoples for the sake of love. He blows all these opportunities, either by overdoing things (Noooo, cries a newly-formed Darth Vader) or not doing enough (a-a-and...star wipe). In other words, it's exactly what you'd expect. Mildly interesting were veiled comparisons of the Sith to the current Republican-dominated political climate ("Only the Sith think in such absolutes") and the sentimental wrap-up scenes at the film's end, which serve to dovetail this chapter with the original beloved Star Wars. That plus a few passable scenes nudge it a few hair-widths above episodes I & II in quality. Otherwise, consider Revenge of the Sith a final set of instructions from Lucas' marketing team. I've got a bad feeling about this.   Back to main 29 May 2005 MOVIE: UNLEASHED (2005). A boy finds himself thrust into the real world after a lifetime of living like a caged dog and blindly serving as a Glasgow mobster's number-one hitman. You'd think this movie preposterous if you saw it written down somewhere. A secret underground arena where men fight to the death for money? How Mad Max. The unquestioning generosity of a blind piano tuner and his plucky musical daughter? Pure schmaltz. But somehow, writer/director Luc Besson manages to maintain a comfortable balance between blisteringly violent fight scenes and the fairy-tale like sweetness of the father-daughter family that takes in this mysterious and pitiable hitman. Besson has produced similar magic before with The Professional (back when Ms. Portman felt like acting), and he attempts the same here, albeit not as successfully. That's not to say the film's bad, not by any stretch. Jet Li takes fight scenes up an incremental notch, with his bezerker rapid-fire punches and a baffling/thrilling duke-out in the extremely closed quarters of a four foot-wide water closet. Besson also loads his character's backstory with the proper sort of tragedy required to prevent the bond between him and his unlikely adoptive family from falling into self-parody. Also smart was to center the story around a bittersweet awakening, rather than some moralistic, redemptive transformation. Despite otherwise thin characters and off-pace dialogue, the film's quirkiness, almost naive belief in justice, and sheer heart imbue it with Besson's by now trademark charm. Difficult not to enjoy. — Since you've been such a good little dog, I'll let you have one thing. Whatever you want. — I want a piano.   Back to main Archives. 17 August 2003 — 24 August 2003 — 31 August 2003 — 07 September 2003 — 14 September 2003 — 02 November 2003 — 09 November 2003 — 16 November 2003 — 23 November 2003 — 30 November 2003 — 07 December 2003 — 01 February 2004 — 08 February 2004 — 15 February 2004 — 22 February 2004 — 29 February 2004 — 07 March 2004 — 14 March 2004 — 21 March 2004 — 28 March 2004 — 04 April 2004 — 11 April 2004 — 18 April 2004 — 25 April 2004 — 02 May 2004 — 09 May 2004 — 16 May 2004 — 23 May 2004 — 30 May 2004 — 06 June 2004 — 13 June 2004 — 20 June 2004 — 27 June 2004 — 04 July 2004 — 11 July 2004 — 18 July 2004 — 25 July 2004 — 01 August 2004 — 08 August 2004 — 15 August 2004 — 22 August 2004 — 29 August 2004 — 05 September 2004 — 12 September 2004 — 19 September 2004 — 26 September 2004 — 03 October 2004 — 10 October 2004 — 17 October 2004 — 24 October 2004 — 31 October 2004 — 07 November 2004 — 14 November 2004 — 21 November 2004 — 28 November 2004 — 05 December 2004 — 12 December 2004 — 19 December 2004 — 26 December 2004 — 02 January 2005 — 09 January 2005 — 23 January 2005 — 30 January 2005 — 06 February 2005 — 13 February 2005 — 20 February 2005 — 27 February 2005 — 13 March 2005 — 20 March 2005 — 27 March 2005 — 03 April 2005 — 10 April 2005 — 17 April 2005 — 24 April 2005 — 01 May 2005 — 08 May 2005 — 22 May 2005 — 29 May 2005 — 05 June 2005 — 12 June 2005 — 19 June 2005 — 26 June 2005 — 03 July 2005 — 10 July 2005 — 17 July 2005 — 24 July 2005 — 31 July 2005 — 07 August 2005 — 14 August 2005 — 28 August 2005 — 04 September 2005 — 25 September 2005 — 02 October 2005 — 09 October 2005 — 30 October 2005 — 06 November 2005 — 13 November 2005 — 20 November 2005 — 27 November 2005 — 04 December 2005 — 18 December 2005 — 01 January 2006 — 08 January 2006 — 15 January 2006 — 22 January 2006 — 05 February 2006 — 26 February 2006 — 12 March 2006 — 19 March 2006 — 26 March 2006 — 02 April 2006 — 16 April 2006 — 23 April 2006 — 30 April 2006 — 07 May 2006 — 14 May 2006 — 21 May 2006 — 04 June 2006 — 18 June 2006 — 25 June 2006 — 16 July 2006 — 23 July 2006 — 06 August 2006 — 13 August 2006 — 03 September 2006 — 17 September 2006 — 01 October 2006 —