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	02 April 2005 BOOK: FOOD COURT DRUIDS, CHEROHONKEES, & OTHER CREATURES UNIQUE TO THE REPUBLIC (2004). A taxonomy of modern stereotypes. O, what a silly, silly book this is! A compendium, written in faux encyclopedic style, whose sole purpose is to make fun of everyone under the sun. "You or someone you know may be inside this book," warns the cover, and they're right. Their long list of "creatures" includes such smash-up nomenclature as Chihuamos (gay Chicanos and their tiny dogs), Ammosexuals (supremely insecure straight men who idolize Ted Nugent), and Soccer Lillies ("...similar to soccer moms, only they have lesbian haircuts."). Indeed, after pausing for breath every fifteen minutes in between giggling fits, I have discovered that I am unequal parts CROW (Cornered Rabid Office Worker), Griffin (prone to earnest party conversation), West Wingnut (Martin Sheen for President!), Hexpatriate (America-bashing world travel snob), Lieberal (given up political activism for boycotting), and, of course, and to some degree, Crypster: the over 30-something who can't let go the desire to be at least, maybe just the tiniest bit, hip? No? Not even a little? The point of this slim exercise in gossip-mongering, naturally, is to underscore the futility of expressing uniqueness with our current limited cultural vocabulary. It's funny and sad—but mostly funny—to think that no matter how unique one may think their job/wardrobe/political beliefs/car is, one inevitably slots neatly into a pre-defined marketing demographic that has been predicted ten years beforehand. Which can only lead to one single conclusion: to be truly hip, one must despise and reject the very notion of hip, the very idea of falling victim to the ever-escalating fashion arms race. Thus, the coolest lifestyle would either be hyper-post-modern (endless randomization) or reactionary (meat & potatoes corporate lifer). Funny and sad—but mostly sad—given the unlikely effort required by the former. Best to read this book immediately, before it goes out of style. Cryptsters don't understand that if you're over thirty and stil wearing a Dickie's work shirt with someone else's name on it, people will assume you really do work the full-service pump at Amoco.   Back to main 31 March 2005 PHOTO DIARY. Caught a glimpse of one of my favorite local Southern Californian sights—the Culver City Meat Company truck, whose slogan reads: You can't beat our meat.   Back to main PHOTO DIARY. Fellow Gifts.com employee Michael showed me a fascinating pamphlet the other day entitled Job Aid for Using the Revolving Door. Far from being metaphorical, it actually instructs employees on how to use a revolving door. My favorite line: "As the door turns, follow it around." No doubt this pamphlet was printed by the thousands and distributed organization-wide. Courtesy the Internal Revenue Service. But who else?   Back to main Archives. 17 August 2003 — 24 August 2003 — 31 August 2003 — 07 September 2003 — 14 September 2003 — 02 November 2003 — 09 November 2003 — 16 November 2003 — 23 November 2003 — 30 November 2003 — 07 December 2003 — 01 February 2004 — 08 February 2004 — 15 February 2004 — 22 February 2004 — 29 February 2004 — 07 March 2004 — 14 March 2004 — 21 March 2004 — 28 March 2004 — 04 April 2004 — 11 April 2004 — 18 April 2004 — 25 April 2004 — 02 May 2004 — 09 May 2004 — 16 May 2004 — 23 May 2004 — 30 May 2004 — 06 June 2004 — 13 June 2004 — 20 June 2004 — 27 June 2004 — 04 July 2004 — 11 July 2004 — 18 July 2004 — 25 July 2004 — 01 August 2004 — 08 August 2004 — 15 August 2004 — 22 August 2004 — 29 August 2004 — 05 September 2004 — 12 September 2004 — 19 September 2004 — 26 September 2004 — 03 October 2004 — 10 October 2004 — 17 October 2004 — 24 October 2004 — 31 October 2004 — 07 November 2004 — 14 November 2004 — 21 November 2004 — 28 November 2004 — 05 December 2004 — 12 December 2004 — 19 December 2004 — 26 December 2004 — 02 January 2005 — 09 January 2005 — 23 January 2005 — 30 January 2005 — 06 February 2005 — 13 February 2005 — 20 February 2005 — 27 February 2005 — 13 March 2005 — 20 March 2005 — 27 March 2005 — 03 April 2005 — 10 April 2005 — 17 April 2005 — 24 April 2005 — 01 May 2005 — 08 May 2005 — 22 May 2005 — 29 May 2005 — 05 June 2005 — 12 June 2005 — 19 June 2005 — 26 June 2005 — 03 July 2005 — 10 July 2005 — 17 July 2005 — 24 July 2005 — 31 July 2005 — 07 August 2005 — 14 August 2005 — 28 August 2005 — 04 September 2005 — 25 September 2005 — 02 October 2005 — 09 October 2005 — 30 October 2005 — 06 November 2005 — 13 November 2005 — 20 November 2005 — 27 November 2005 — 04 December 2005 — 18 December 2005 — 01 January 2006 — 08 January 2006 — 15 January 2006 — 22 January 2006 — 05 February 2006 — 26 February 2006 — 12 March 2006 — 19 March 2006 — 26 March 2006 — 02 April 2006 — 16 April 2006 — 23 April 2006 — 30 April 2006 — 07 May 2006 — 14 May 2006 — 21 May 2006 — 04 June 2006 — 18 June 2006 — 25 June 2006 — 16 July 2006 — 23 July 2006 — 06 August 2006 — 13 August 2006 — 03 September 2006 — 17 September 2006 — 01 October 2006 —